Song of Solomon
Session 4
Keeping your dating relationships healthy
Key Thought
“In a dating relationship, your vineyard should come alive. If you’ve ever seen the opposite happen, where two people get together and they wither spiritually and emotionally, that is not how it is supposed to be.”

In our session last night we discussed Song of Solomon 2:8-3:5. Using the text, 4 key points were made:
1. A spiritually and emotionally healthy dating relationship should bring vitalityand life to each person in the relationship.
2. There are things that can be introduced into a relationship that will wreck that relationship.
3. Dating couples must be deliberate in safeguarding the dating relationship to help it grow and be healthy spiritually and emotionally.
4. Passion and desire are God-given and perfectly normal, but self-control must be exercised.

Some Questions to discuss with your teen:
1. What are the evidences of a healthy dating relationship?
2. What can you do when dating to cultivate those healthy characteristics?
3. What are some dating pitfalls you experienced and how did they impact your life?
4. What can you do to exercise self-control in the area of physical desire in your dating relationship?

Song of Solomon
Session 3: The Art of Courtship
In session 3 Tommy Nelson talks about the difference between courting and dating.

According to Nelson, dating is simply when a boy and girl spend time together doing things getting to know one another. He says that in dating there are no expectations, no physical contact; it’s centered on an event, not the person; it shouldn’t be exclusive; there should be no pressure to escalate the relationship. The purpose of dating is to discover the type of person you’d like to marry. You’re observing and evaluating. Basically, youre spending time with a person to get to know that person and build a foundation.

Courting takes place when you are emotionally and spiritually ready to begin an exclusive relationship with someone after having dated a while. In courting, he argues that the boy should talk to the girl’s Dad. In this context he says appropriate physical touch is a good thing. In this stage of dating, a couple is learning more and more about one another. They should learn how to resolve differences; how to be honest with one another. They should recognize the passion in the relationship yet remain self-controlled.

One thing Pastor Nelson said that I found very insightful is that you should never have to apologize for ending a relationship. That’s part of being spiritually and emotionally mature.

Some questions to discuss with your teen:
1. What does a healthy dating relationship look like?
2. How do you know you’re ready to begin dating someone exclusively?

Key thought from lesson 2:

“When you are starting a fire, you need to get the coals burning down deep, not just on the surface with lighter fluid. The coals in a relationship are godliness, respect, and character. These are what you can build a lifetime on.” - Tommy Nelson

Tommy Nelson made the following key points in session 2 of Song of Solomon about dating:
1. A date is a guy and a girl on a one-time event enjoying time together.
2. Because dating, especially in the lives of a teenager, is often a roadblock or distraction in one’s relationship with God one should not date until emotionally and spiritually ready.
3. We should treat one another with dignity and respect, elevating the self-esteem of one another.
4. We need to learn to exercise self-control over our sexual passions. For some, this may mean not dating.

Some questions/thoughts do discuss with your teen about dating:
1. How is God’s view of a dating relationship different from our culture’s view?
2. What is the purpose of dating? What is a healthy way to date? What is an unhealthy way to date?
3. When do you know you are emotionally and spiritually ready to date?

Major points from lesson 1 in our series on Song of Solomon:
1. One’s character is more important than one’s looks.
2. Begin developing a profile of the person you want to marrry and don’t compromise.
3. Become the person of character you would want to marry.

Guys’ memory verse: “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” Proverb 31:30

Girls’ memory verse: “What is desired in a man is kindness, and a poor man is better than a liar.” Proverb 19:22

Key Thought: “You need to become the person that the type of person you are looking for wants to marry. If I’m God, why should I give my precious child to you?”

Some Questions to consider with your teen:
1. What are some traits that are an absolute must in the person you will marry?
2. What are you going to do in order to remain committed to your standards of the type of person you will marry?